ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
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He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
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I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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