You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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