she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
