some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
