Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
