how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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