STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
