I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
