His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
