I've blown a few things in my day
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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