He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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