I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
