i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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