you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
