smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
