I met the friendliest cop last night
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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