i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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