4 words: hood of his car
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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