dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
