Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
