My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
