I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
