Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
