So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
