College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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