Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
