Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
