dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
