Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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