What a fucking waste of an outfit
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
