We're facebook friends in real life
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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