So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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