giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
