Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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