Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
