you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
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I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
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I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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