yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
