she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
