I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
