When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize