Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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