I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she peed on how many people?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
