Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
