grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
