time to smoke my breakfast
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
