Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
it glows. i had to have it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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