This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
