i need an iv and a liver transplant
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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