I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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