I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
