I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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