i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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