Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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