There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
