"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
