if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
