went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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