On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
no you cant smoke seaweed
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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