Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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