fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
