I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
