had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
