you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
