so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
