You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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