NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
