No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
