I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
