watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
