you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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