ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize