well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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