I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
